I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
