Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize