I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
