If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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