She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
