I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
