i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i will never coherently bang her
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
