Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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