I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
