I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
