hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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