dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This beer is not sobering me up at all
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
