and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
