you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
