Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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