i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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