this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
