did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
