How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Your dad touched me again.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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