why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can't turn off my feet"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
