Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
