Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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