I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
