Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i've created a new STD.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
