we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
