No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
