This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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