Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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