Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
