just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
