Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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