oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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