Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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