Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
