I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
