I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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