she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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