we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
