i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
