I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
