wrigley field is MILF paradise
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
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