you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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