Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
