would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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