I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
