i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
