oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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