Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
