New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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