After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
pray to the hookup gods
We're too hungover to prance.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
