I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
