So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
