check it out our google latitudes are spooning
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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