i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
