3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
