Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
