I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
