would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
