just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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