Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize