Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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