Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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