Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
