evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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