What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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