Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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