I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
