im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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