how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize