What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
