if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
