My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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