I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
