Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize