I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Let's get the cat blown out
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
