i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
