Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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