You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
