You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
