Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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