using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
