Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
