My friends, they love my intelligence
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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