Welp...herpes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hippo gnu deer
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
