God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
