Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
