i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
