Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
