remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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