Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
