I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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