A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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