Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Randomize
