it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
barbara walters just said penis...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
