youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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