So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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