And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
